Member-only story
Fringe Group Supports Cannibalism Because “It’s Natural”
“Other animals do it, so we should too,” they claim.
BREAKING NEWS
“There are reports coming in from all over the world of women viciously biting the heads off of men with whom they’ve been intimate and proceeding to eat their bodies.
This form of cannibalism has been previously reported as happening in small spurts for some time now. However, the scale of these attacks has drastically increased, and men everywhere are rightfully worried.
Ket Bravanaugh, CEO of the wildly famous beer company The Patriarch describes the situation as dire. He said, quote ‘I haven’t felt safe approaching a woman since I first heard of these attacks.’
Frankly, I don’t see what possible justification there could be for violating and killing innocent men.
Earlier today, our dedicated reporter Sumaira Hill, approached a woman who claims to be part of the leadership that is advocating for this abhorrent behavior to be both decriminalized and socially accepted.
Now over to you Sumaira.”
“Thanks, Jack!
As you can see behind me, there is a lady in handcuffs. Just hours ago, she confessed to the cannibalistic murder of a man she met…
