The Overlooked Role of Tempo in Relationships
A friendship got me thinking about tempo.
Well, if you could call it a friendship. For a while, I had felt that something was keeping the other person and me from getting closer. Something was off, but I wasn’t quite sure how to describe it.
For example, she preferred moving our friendship forward by throwing big, open-ended questions my way via text. I, on the other hand, mostly hate texting. I like to have uninterrupted conversations.
I wanted to name the feeling I was having, so I thought a bit harder. That’s when I realized that our pacing was different. This was one of the barriers that kept me from investing more time and emotions into the relationship.
Building a relationship is one type of deep work that I find fulfilling. In the times of pandemic, I prefer to set aside dedicated time in the form of bimonthly video chats with my close friends.
What does tempo mean in this context?
It’s the pace during relationship-building, but it’s not limited to how fast two people want things to move along in terms of certain milestones. Tempo also guides communication within the relationship. And, often, if it remains an overlooked component, there are consequences.
